I’ve been waiting to post until I could share something “cheery, uplifting” but was challenged yesterday by a Beth Moore audio from the study “Stepping up” which is a study of the Psalms of Ascent.
“Beware of hidden hypocrisy, which can be even presenting yourself as who you would like to be, rather than who you are. . .” (my paraphrase)
I would like to be cheery and uplifting right now. I would love to be cheery and uplifting right now. But I’m not.
Is my faith failing? Absolutely not. I know that God is Sovereign. I know that He is Good. I know that my life matters to Him. I know that He will fulfill His purposes for me.
This is not a faith issue. This is not a “disappointment with God.” (And, by the way, I cringe at that term, because what does my disappointment or approval have anything to do with how the Sovereign of the Universe governs? It’s always sounded so self-centered to me. . .but that’s just my opinion that no one asked for)
This is. . .I’m tired. It’s been an extremely hard year, emotionally and physically. I truly don’t know where the next step will take me.
” Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of His servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.” (Isaiah 50: 10-11 NIV)
This is a dark path right now. I’m trusting God to show me where the next step is. I don’t want to light my own fires. Been there. Done that. Been in torment.
I’ve been thinking a bit about Mary, the mother of Jesus. She had some really “tough time” periods. Being a pregnant teen, unmarried, with a truly unbelieveable story to tell constituted a hard year. Being the earthly mother of the Son of God, and knowing this calling — talk about responsiblity! That’s as far as I’ve let my brain think — being Jesus’ mother when he was an adult — that’s another post for another time.
I want to have Mary’s attitude and faith in my “hard year” (and no, I don’t see any end in sight)
“I am the Lord’s servant. . .May it be to me as you have said. . .” (Luke 1:38 NIV)